In or Out of FOCCUS

We took our FOCCUS test on Wednesday. It's a compatibility test the Church or at least our diocese makes engaged couples take before they get married. It's an assessment test, meant only to evaluate a couple's ability to deal with issues, to see just how a couple handles differences and other things that might crop up in marriage. When we met with the deacon at our parish who heads the marriage prep ministry, he told us not to worry about it, not to think too hard about the questions and just answer honestly. We didn't worry about it, but then a few days before both David and I found ourselves on the Internet Googling "FOCCUS Test" curiously wondering what information we would find. I honestly had no worries or qualms about taking this test, but I admit after doing a bit of reading about it on the Internet, I started to worry. I always do miserably on Standardized Tests. I don't even remember my SAT scores.

Summing up what we found online, one blogger was surprised at the  dismal outcome of the test that she and her fiancé took. Another site mentioned that the test was really worthless and discussion about it has hit wedding discussion boards.

Apparently, it is a topic that has been discussed in recent years. This Slate Article talks about it's value in today's society.

We continued to look for more information about the test until we finally found Sample Questions at the USCCB's website. Then we realized that the test wasn't going to be as intimidating or as scary as others who had taken the test before us had reported. The questions on our test were very much like the ones on the bishop's website.

At that point, we were no longer worried. Honestly, I think we worried about the test for just a few hours.  Like all of the marriage prep we have to go through in order to be married in the Church, we've gone into it with an open mind. We approached the test with the same mindset. I was curious if there would be something revealed in the course of this test that would shock David or me about the other. I worried that things we might not have talked about deeply would be revealed to be big issues for either of us and wasn't sure how we'd do. 

We went to the home of the couple who runs the "Sponsor Couple" program at the parish. I'd seen them at the parish many, many times, but never met them formally. They were really nice, they put us at ease and made us feel right at home. (It didn't help that they had a beautiful home on the market. David and I look at homes these days with ideas of buying or building our own dream home.) We talked with the couple for a bit and once we were comfortable they gave us the test. It has 189 questions, but for various couples, some questions are waived. So, we sat quietly and took the test. I went through it once, left a few blank to return to them and then gave it a quick read-through, making sure I didn't forget an answer. David read each and every question and answered them all in order. I'd say we finished about the same time. While we waited for our results to be scored, we talked with the Mrs. From what I'd read online, most couples had to wait a couple weeks to get the results back, but we didn't. Whew.

I pretty much knew that David and I would do well on the test, because I felt like he'd answer the questions very much like I did. On the test, you answer agree, disagree and uncertain. Giving an "uncertain" answer will get you every time. I knew that going into the test, but there were a few times when that was the only answer I could give. Mostly because those particular questions had a lot of gray areas and I couldn't give a definite agree or disagree. In the end, we turned out to be 83% to 100% compatible, with 93% seeming to be our average score. 

I don't know that this test will predict the success of our marriage, but I think we both are willing to work together, grow together as a couple and learn from each other in our years we are blessed to be together. Both of us feel that marriage is for life and have no reservations about that. We've talked about all the issues on the test before. We haven't made definite decisions about money and finances yet... but we know that we will have to make decisions together. We both want children. We both feel strongly about our faith. We are family oriented and we have common goals, wishes and dreams. We are not twenty-somethings who are just starting to make our way in the world. We've lived on our own, away from our parents' homes and security since we were 17 and 18. We have made our own way in the world and have a lot more life experiences than many of the youngsters getting married these days. I think we stand a damn good chance of making it. 

One of the things I know is that, while we're having a beautiful wedding, hopefully it will be fun and elegant, it is just a day. It's the first day of our married life, but it is our marriage that we are celebrating and our life together that matters most. 

Dressing the Groom.

David has a tux for the wedding. Today we managed to make it to Men's Wearhouse so that he could pick out his tux for the wedding and the tuxes for the groomsmen. I think he and the groomsmen will all look very handsome come wedding day. I know he will look beautiful. He is beautiful. I find myself looking at him and am mesmerized at how much I love looking at his face. I can't wait to see him standing there at the altar waiting for me. One of the things to think about is if he'll process in alone or walk in with his father. Usually in Catholic weddings, both sets of parents walk the bride down the aisle and they sometimes walk the groom down as well... still he'll be there waiting... waiting to see me come down the aisle to meet him and make our lives one.

The day is closer and closer. I still pinch myself thinking that one day we'll be married. Tonight we realized that Christmas is just around the corner and the wedding is just beyond that. I think once January comes, all the planning and waiting will be a blur because it will be a frenzy of activity just getting us down to the wedding day. Four months ago, the wedding day seemed so far away and now that we're just a little more than half-way there, it's hard to believe how quickly time passes. I don't think I could have handled a long engagement.

Speaking of engagement, on Monday, David and I had our engagement pictures taken. We love, absolutely love, our photographer and are really happy with our decision. We had fun during the photo shoot. We felt at ease and enjoyed working with our photographer. In the end, I think he took close to 200 pictures and we ended up with 66 proofs and about half of those we liked individually and together about 20 we may order. It's funny, there are pictures I liked, some he liked, but we seemed to dislike the same ones. Before the shoot, I decided that I was going to be happy with them no matter how they turned out. Pictures are just a snapshot of a moment in time. I may not always be happy with how I look, I am always more self-critical than I should be and I know there are parts of my body that I am not happy with, but the pictures were great. The moment was wonderful. I was with David, the man that I love and I think that is what shows in the photographs. I think the love we share is obvious and that's what matters. That is the moment we captured.  We may post a few once we have copies.

Things are getting checked of the checklist as days go by. Check, check, check...

Happy Anniversary Lovey...

A year ago, David and I saw each other for the first time after probably 20 years. It was Columbus Day. He was off from work and I had a membership meeting at the association of Realtors. I was still the committee chair. We had been talking on Facebook for months, just getting to know each other again, this time as friends. We'd really only been acquaintances in college and high school, but we both had positive memories about each other and I always thought he was a really nice guy. It was different now talking to him on FB chat or in comments and messages. We discovered we had so much in common, we learned we shared similar taste in music and that we were both homebodies at heart. We learned that we were both creative, but in slumps. We learned we both wanted children, we had a connection with our Catholic faith and that we'd grown up very similarly. Our Hispanic culture and background, which we both appreciated but weren't looking for in other partners, had become especially important to us now that we were older. I'm glad that I can share those things with David.

I'm Not Going to Lie

I am stressed out! Some days it's better than others but who knew something so good and so happy could make life stressful? But at least I recognize it and am trying to find a way to manage it.

Just Googling Wedding Stress, I came up with this website. I guess it's always nice to find some validation to my stress.

It's Beginning to Look Like We're Getting Married...

It's also all starting to feel very real now. We've sent out the Save The Date cards, the invitations we ordered have arrived and I've collected almost all the addresses we need. I learned a little bit of interesting things about people when looking up their addresses on the Internet.

People are also starting to respond to the save the dates and are going to come. Amazing that people want to share in our day.

I'm behind in my blogging and updating, but life has been a bit busy these days.

How to Get Married in the Catholic Church Part Two

Meet with a parish representative, receive a pink checklist and timeline, fill out tons of paperwork, take a test, take a family planning class, work with a sponsor couple, receive a booklet in which to pick out readings, music and prayers for the liturgy, meet with our priest to go over the booklet and final paperwork, get married.

So... at this point we have done only a few of these things. We met with the deacon in charge of the marriage preparation ministry. As nervous as we were, it went really well, much better than either of us anticipated. He went through the paperwork with us and filled it out according to "parish" standards. He took our certificates and   met with us as a couple, then interviewed us individually and again together. He told us that he thinks we're on the right track and that we are starting out our lives together well. Of course, he also told us what he felt we needed to work on-- and that is our sacramental life, most specifically Confession and Communion. I haven't been to Confession in over a year. I was in the habit of going every couple of months or as needed, and then I got out of habit. I won't receive Communion if I haven't been to Confession-- if I've fallen out of a State of Grace.

I've been feeling a lapse of spirituality lately, and I might go more into depth about this later or on my other blog, but nonetheless, I think that David and I will start growing together in our faith as we grow together as a couple. I think as we prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage, we will discover something new about each other, something about our beliefs and where faith, the Church and God belong in our lives.

That being said, we both need to make it to Confession soon.

Food, food and more food...

Trying to figure out what to do about the food is the next big step in wedding planning. We had a food tasting last week and it was wonderful. We talked about wedding details, timelines and entertainment. We have mariachi's playing for the first two hours and a live band the last three of the reception.

We are going against all etiquette at our wedding. Yep, really breaking the rules and having a Cash Bar. Don't tell Auntie Martha, Cousin Emily Post or even the illegitimate siblings at "Wedding for Dummies" this. It's supposedly a big no-no in wedding circles not to have a host bar, but there is no way I'm going to pay for someone to get drunk at my wedding. I have such an intolerance to drunken behavior in general. In all honestly, cash bars are the norm here in NM anyway. If someone has tons of money to spend you'll see host bars with all the liquor a person can drink.

We are also welcoming children to attend. I don't think there will be that many children, but I like to hear the laughter of children and I really enjoy their energy.

Still... planning a wedding is far more difficult than I thought, especially for a procrastinator like myself. I think we're ahead of the game. Though, I need to contact the church about our pre-marital classes. Eek.

There will be appetizers served along with Sangria for the first hour after everyone arrives. After the Wedding March (La Marcha), we will all be lead back into the ballroom for dinner.

Salad

Fresh field greens with blue cheese crumbles and piñon nuts
with shredded carrots, red onions, black olives and roma tomatoes
(there may be a milder cheese substituted for the blue cheese crumbles.) 


Dressing Choices
Red chile ranch-- it's very mild and is a bit more sophisticated than plain ranch. 
Fresh herb vinaigrette


Classic Chicken La Fonda
Breast of chicken filled with bacon,
red onions, green chile, jack and cheddar cheese,
lightly breaded, flash fried and oven baked,
accompanied by mild green chile cream sauce
and oven-roasted new potatoes.

Vegetable Plate
Roasted chile poblano filled with
sautéed spaghetti squash, oyster mushrooms, leeks
and sweet corn. Served with roasted garlic polenta,
gabanzo bean salad, roasted tomato coulis
and balsamic reduction.

**If you want a Vegetable Plate, please let me know so I can make sure to order it for you. Same for a Children's Plate. 


After dinner, we'll cut the cake, immediately followed by toasts and then the cake will be served, so that those who don't want to stay for the dance, won't be waiting all night for the cutting of the cake and toasts.

We'll provide coffee and tea and maybe a few other non-alcoholic beverages during the meal. We might do a champagne toast, we'll see. The bar will be stocked with several good beers and all the other spirits one could want, it just won't be an open bar.

Those are the options that I'm mulling around in my head. I'd love feedback, if anyone stops by, leave me a comment.