Links of Interest

Gentle Spirit Music 

GIA Publications Where Love is Found

OCP Publishing, United As One

Order of the Mass

Processional Music Ideas 

Wedding Music Samples, Ideas 

In or Out of FOCCUS

We took our FOCCUS test on Wednesday. It's a compatibility test the Church or at least our diocese makes engaged couples take before they get married. It's an assessment test, meant only to evaluate a couple's ability to deal with issues, to see just how a couple handles differences and other things that might crop up in marriage. When we met with the deacon at our parish who heads the marriage prep ministry, he told us not to worry about it, not to think too hard about the questions and just answer honestly. We didn't worry about it, but then a few days before both David and I found ourselves on the Internet Googling "FOCCUS Test" curiously wondering what information we would find. I honestly had no worries or qualms about taking this test, but I admit after doing a bit of reading about it on the Internet, I started to worry. I always do miserably on Standardized Tests. I don't even remember my SAT scores.

Summing up what we found online, one blogger was surprised at the  dismal outcome of the test that she and her fiancé took. Another site mentioned that the test was really worthless and discussion about it has hit wedding discussion boards.

Apparently, it is a topic that has been discussed in recent years. This Slate Article talks about it's value in today's society.

We continued to look for more information about the test until we finally found Sample Questions at the USCCB's website. Then we realized that the test wasn't going to be as intimidating or as scary as others who had taken the test before us had reported. The questions on our test were very much like the ones on the bishop's website.

At that point, we were no longer worried. Honestly, I think we worried about the test for just a few hours.  Like all of the marriage prep we have to go through in order to be married in the Church, we've gone into it with an open mind. We approached the test with the same mindset. I was curious if there would be something revealed in the course of this test that would shock David or me about the other. I worried that things we might not have talked about deeply would be revealed to be big issues for either of us and wasn't sure how we'd do. 

We went to the home of the couple who runs the "Sponsor Couple" program at the parish. I'd seen them at the parish many, many times, but never met them formally. They were really nice, they put us at ease and made us feel right at home. (It didn't help that they had a beautiful home on the market. David and I look at homes these days with ideas of buying or building our own dream home.) We talked with the couple for a bit and once we were comfortable they gave us the test. It has 189 questions, but for various couples, some questions are waived. So, we sat quietly and took the test. I went through it once, left a few blank to return to them and then gave it a quick read-through, making sure I didn't forget an answer. David read each and every question and answered them all in order. I'd say we finished about the same time. While we waited for our results to be scored, we talked with the Mrs. From what I'd read online, most couples had to wait a couple weeks to get the results back, but we didn't. Whew.

I pretty much knew that David and I would do well on the test, because I felt like he'd answer the questions very much like I did. On the test, you answer agree, disagree and uncertain. Giving an "uncertain" answer will get you every time. I knew that going into the test, but there were a few times when that was the only answer I could give. Mostly because those particular questions had a lot of gray areas and I couldn't give a definite agree or disagree. In the end, we turned out to be 83% to 100% compatible, with 93% seeming to be our average score. 

I don't know that this test will predict the success of our marriage, but I think we both are willing to work together, grow together as a couple and learn from each other in our years we are blessed to be together. Both of us feel that marriage is for life and have no reservations about that. We've talked about all the issues on the test before. We haven't made definite decisions about money and finances yet... but we know that we will have to make decisions together. We both want children. We both feel strongly about our faith. We are family oriented and we have common goals, wishes and dreams. We are not twenty-somethings who are just starting to make our way in the world. We've lived on our own, away from our parents' homes and security since we were 17 and 18. We have made our own way in the world and have a lot more life experiences than many of the youngsters getting married these days. I think we stand a damn good chance of making it. 

One of the things I know is that, while we're having a beautiful wedding, hopefully it will be fun and elegant, it is just a day. It's the first day of our married life, but it is our marriage that we are celebrating and our life together that matters most. 

I'm Not Going to Lie

I am stressed out! Some days it's better than others but who knew something so good and so happy could make life stressful? But at least I recognize it and am trying to find a way to manage it.

Just Googling Wedding Stress, I came up with this website. I guess it's always nice to find some validation to my stress.

Food, food and more food...

Trying to figure out what to do about the food is the next big step in wedding planning. We had a food tasting last week and it was wonderful. We talked about wedding details, timelines and entertainment. We have mariachi's playing for the first two hours and a live band the last three of the reception.

We are going against all etiquette at our wedding. Yep, really breaking the rules and having a Cash Bar. Don't tell Auntie Martha, Cousin Emily Post or even the illegitimate siblings at "Wedding for Dummies" this. It's supposedly a big no-no in wedding circles not to have a host bar, but there is no way I'm going to pay for someone to get drunk at my wedding. I have such an intolerance to drunken behavior in general. In all honestly, cash bars are the norm here in NM anyway. If someone has tons of money to spend you'll see host bars with all the liquor a person can drink.

We are also welcoming children to attend. I don't think there will be that many children, but I like to hear the laughter of children and I really enjoy their energy.

Still... planning a wedding is far more difficult than I thought, especially for a procrastinator like myself. I think we're ahead of the game. Though, I need to contact the church about our pre-marital classes. Eek.

There will be appetizers served along with Sangria for the first hour after everyone arrives. After the Wedding March (La Marcha), we will all be lead back into the ballroom for dinner.

Salad

Fresh field greens with blue cheese crumbles and piñon nuts
with shredded carrots, red onions, black olives and roma tomatoes
(there may be a milder cheese substituted for the blue cheese crumbles.) 


Dressing Choices
Red chile ranch-- it's very mild and is a bit more sophisticated than plain ranch. 
Fresh herb vinaigrette


Classic Chicken La Fonda
Breast of chicken filled with bacon,
red onions, green chile, jack and cheddar cheese,
lightly breaded, flash fried and oven baked,
accompanied by mild green chile cream sauce
and oven-roasted new potatoes.

Vegetable Plate
Roasted chile poblano filled with
sautéed spaghetti squash, oyster mushrooms, leeks
and sweet corn. Served with roasted garlic polenta,
gabanzo bean salad, roasted tomato coulis
and balsamic reduction.

**If you want a Vegetable Plate, please let me know so I can make sure to order it for you. Same for a Children's Plate. 


After dinner, we'll cut the cake, immediately followed by toasts and then the cake will be served, so that those who don't want to stay for the dance, won't be waiting all night for the cutting of the cake and toasts.

We'll provide coffee and tea and maybe a few other non-alcoholic beverages during the meal. We might do a champagne toast, we'll see. The bar will be stocked with several good beers and all the other spirits one could want, it just won't be an open bar.

Those are the options that I'm mulling around in my head. I'd love feedback, if anyone stops by, leave me a comment.

Two Months Down, Six More to Go

Well, is this thing still working... Today it has been two months since David proposed to me and in six months we will be walking down the aisle. It's really starting to come together. Little by little, there will be a wedding.

This is the dress my flower girl is going to wear, her grandma, my cousin is going to make it. It’s cute without being too grown up and not too little girl. Hers will be in a white with a black bow and sash. She’s a tall girl, so she might be taller than my ringbearer, though they’re roughly the same age.

I'm hoping David's three-year-old niece will be able to walk down the aisle. I've asked the florist to make her a special bouquet.

The colors for the dresses are going to be black, maybe with an white bow, sash or some accent. I like this bridesmaid dress.  I liked it because of the back and it matches the flowergirl  dress.

I think that on top of the black/white theme, I’m going to add a touch of pink, probably a bold, maybe hot pink, to the colors. I am trying to avoid red because this isn’t a Valentine’s themed wedding, despite the date.

Things David and I have done so far:
Of course, booked the hotel and the church is good to go. We booked a photographer. I had no idea that photography was so expensive. After we met with the photographer fort the first time, we were totally surprised that we both wanted to have a video done. The videos that they do at insightfoto are fabulous. We went with them based on a gut instinct, but I liked their journalistic style and the "eye" of the photographer(s). I can't wait. Sometime in Sept. or Oct. we will take engagement pictures.

David and David Sr. are working on music. We thought about a DJ and we got estimates from $200 - $4000 for a DJ. We got a taste of a band, David liked it better than I. I didn't like the energy I was feeling from them and had doubts. Then David got wind of another band and when we heard them it was a no-brainer.  I knew it was a better fit for us. Plus the lead singer is a man and won't upstage the bride. ;) The band is still expensive, but I think it will be nice to have live  music. So Jimmy Stadler is the band.

David's dad is working on finalizing the Mariachis for the night. We're going to have them welcome guests into the reception, do the Wedding March and play through dinner. Then the band will start at 8.

Flowers have also been decided. The first woman I met with flaked out on me. I’m going to have winter white theme bouquet and everyone else will have bold, colorful flowers: roses, orchids, calla lilies etc. I just fell in love with Artichokes and Pomegranates the minute I walked into the shop. I'll have two white flower arrangements for the church, a little bouquet for David's niece, Lauren, and an arrangement for the Blessed Mother to present during Mass. The boutonieres are exquisite and I can't wait to see them. The flowers have got to be my favorite part so far.

We tasted cakes at Chocolate Maven, which were wonderful. I've never had a pastry, cake or dessert from CM that I didn't like. Even the wedding cakes were splendid, albeit a bit too sweet. We went Saturday to meet with Justine from Cuisine from Justine (beyond adobe walls.) After after tasting Justine’s cakes, David and I, were hooked. They’re really delicious-- elegant, rich and tasty without a sugar rush. Cool thing about Justine, she makes a special top to save to eat on our first anniversary. It's packed and ready to freeze so we don't have to use the top from the wedding cake. We will have traditional three or four tiered cake, with white or off-white buttercream icing and a tasty filling. I like # 5 on the cake gallery from Chocolate Maven, but I don't think it's something David really likes. I think the dragonflies freak him about a bit. ;)

I’m planning to order invitations and save the dates and other miscellaneous things this weekend.

Of course, our reception is at La Fonda, in the Lumpkins Ballroom. We aren’t going to fill it, but at least we know if we invited more people we could fit them. We have a food tasting early next month and that will be fun. I'm still not sure if it will be a buffet or a plated dinner.

My dress, which was not what I expected, but the black/white embroidered one would have been way too hard for my mother, so we settled on this. I have a silk Mikado fabric, that’s off-white which I got from www.santafefabrics.com, and I was blown away by the stuff they have in the store. Best thing is that I didn't have to go to Alb. or out of state to buy my fabric.

For favors I was thinking of having biscochitos and Mexican wedding cookies. My cousin said I could enlist all my cousins to start baking.  She is the one who got married in Vegas and has been sending me tons and tons of emails with wedding advice. I'm very blessed to have family and friends.

For the first time in my life I saw Bridezillas. Oh man.. those girls are scary. I vow never to become one. Seriously.

I have a code for hotel rooms at La Fonda and need to get a few other hotels booked for Out of Town guests. I'm going to book rooms at Garrett's Desert Inn, Santa Fe Sage and probably the Inn of the Governor's for hotels close to La Fonda. The rates at La Fonda are $129, while the other hotels range from $55-$79. I'll put up a whole post with that information later.

I haven’t updated the wedding site in a while, but I'm starting to compile a list of things to do, tourist information, Santa Fe and New Mexico history and information, as well as travel and transportation options.  All the info will be there eventually for those of you coming to the wedding or are thinking about it anyway.

Dress Me.

One of the first questions I'm asked is what kind of a dress am I going to wear? The answer is, well, I want this dress, but I can't afford the original. It came out four years ago anyway. Mom and I are thinking of trying to recreate it in  an A-line shape instead of a ball gown. We just need to figure out what to do about the embroidery. I also shouldn't say "we" as I'm a piss poor seamstress and my mother is the best. She could have been a designer like the greats. I think that's what she wanted to do with her life, but she went to nursing school, which she hated. Anyway... I'm hoping that we can find someone with an embroidery machine who can do the hard work on the dress. If we go with this dress.

Back in the old days, it was traditional for Spanish brides to wear black and I'd like to add a bit of that tradition to my wedding.

The more and more I look at this dress, I'm in love with it. I'm not sure if I can do the ruffled trim and bow in black and get a look that I like but maybe. It may look a bit too weird. I suppose Mom can try both and see what we like best. My mom can definitely make either dress, but she's been so stressed and tired with putting up with my dad, I actually feel guilty for asking her to make my dress. Of course, it has always been a given that she would make my dress, so now that it's here, I'm torn.

The other thing is there are no nice fabric stores in Santa Fe. I'm hoping a trip to Albuquerque next week produces nice results. If not, maybe I'll borrow someone's couch in NYC while I go fabric shopping. :)

I think they're both simple dresses, with some ornate details but nothing over the top. I've been offered by a dear friend to use the mantilla she made for her daughter, and I'm considering that. I'm not sure how I feel about a veil. It might be nice. We'll see.

We're going to book the hotel for the reception on Thursday. I'm meeting a florist tomorrow and we're meeting photographers Friday. I'll pick up my baptismal certificate and drop that off at the church and see when we need to start on our classes. It would be nice to be able to test out.  I'm investigating prices at nearby hotels for out of town guests. I'll get travel info together and other details for guests coming to the wedding who aren't familiar with Santa Fe. (Watch this space for that information.)

Dressing the groom will be a whole post onto itself.

Yes, No, Maybe So...

I have a little over seven months to plan a wedding. I know it can be done. I have Martha Stewart books, bridal magazines, a planning binder and all sorts of guidelines that tell me when I have to start doing things. First off creating a guest list is the most pressing thing. The venue David and I would like for our reception holds about 150 people max. That doesn't sound too bad. We've actually filled out 148 lines on our excel spreadsheet. We were excited that we came to 148 and included just about everyone we want at the wedding. I still could add about 10 more people. Uh... but then I realized that those 10 people, also includes spouses, children and significant others, that could potentially be 20-30 more people. So, my little list of 148 could easily be doubled.

First off, I don't expect a lot of out-of-town invitees to come. In actuality, there aren't that many out of town people invited. The majority of people who are invited live in the area and are family and friends.

I expected that a lot of our classmates from high school would be asking if they were invited to the wedding because both David and I are on Facebook. I worried that we might have a horde of them expecting to have a mini class reunion at our wedding, but I think we can safely say that isn't going to happen. We will invite some of our classmates, but not as many as I thought we'd have to invite.

Because of the limited number of people the venue can hold, it really has to be close friends and family. How come this is the hardest part? I can't say no kids, no dates or spouses, just to get the numbers down. I will have to cut people or move the venue to somewhere where I don't have to.

As our wedding is in the afternoon, our reception will fall around dinner time, so appetizers won't cut it. We will have to have a dinner, besides we want to have a dance.

At this point, let the ax fall where it does... I still have seven months you know...