I Am Loved

I didn't link to the band's version , while it was cool, the imagery was a bit disturbing. 

I was sitting here tonight trying to journal, an upset stomach and a mild bit of anxiety about it, woke me. As I sat here at my desk listening to music, "Someday You Will Be Loved" played on iTunes and I had to write this entry. I hadn't heard it in a long time, but yes, it truly happened to me. I am loved.

This song came out at a time when my heart was broken and aching for someone I thought was meant to be more to me than he was. Now, of course, I realize that my heart was meant to be broken then, that I had to let go of a man not meant to be in my life so that I could be open and ready for the man who would be there for me wholly, fully and freely. Someone who could love me unconditionally. Of course, I did not know what "plans" lay ahead for me. I have all sorts of feelings about how we came to be together, but as I struggle with faith and belief, I'm not going to say more about that now.

When I felt my world had ended, that my heart would never heal the pain of being rejected, unwanted and unloved, I remember hearing this song and feeling some kind of peace wash over me. It was perfect and the lyrics paraphrased some of what was said to me as that relationship came to its end. I think it took about three years till the right man came into my life and I knew why I had to live through that heartache and pain, so that I could be ready for my heart to be full and loved by David.

David and I celebrated our second anniversary a few weeks ago. We didn't tell anyone where we went. We were at an "Undisclosed Location" so that we could have a quiet time, all alone. We hid out in Albuquerque. We stayed three nights at the Hotel Andaluz and it was a lovely getaway. We ate at Scalo on our anniversary and another night at Sadie's. I love the salsa, but the chile not so much. It reminds me of Tomasita's chile. We played tourist on the 13th. It was the 3rd month anniversary of my dad's death and we found ourselves at the San Felipe Church on Old Town Plaza. Our first morning we at breakfast at the Frontier, and then we drove around UNM. We couldn't help but be surprised by all the changes. The memories of Greek Life are still strong within us-- we never hung out in college-- even though we lived on the same street at the same time. But Greek Row has changed. So many houses torn down. We were looking to find the Kappa Sigma house, if there is one. The empty space that once was the Zeta house was sad.

We drove around a few neighborhoods we loved when we were in school. We shopped at ABQ Uptown and talked about maybe living in Albuquerque one day. We have so many balls in the air, so many hopes and dreams and plans.

We've gone through a lot in the first two years of marriage. I certainly don't want to have to look back and face what we've faced together already.  I really pray that it is far behind us. I pray we find a bit of peace this year and that our second year of marriage brings us some joy. Despite all that we've faced, we have always found a bit of sunshine peeking through the darkness. While some days the sun is dim, it is still there managing to shine for us. I hope no matter what roads we travel together in the future, we continue to be as strong as we are right now, that we love as deeply, if not more and that we travel the roads no matter how rocky or smooth together.