Two Years Ago Maria Said Yes

And life has never been more wonderful. We've had our challenges and through it all, we've grown stronger and found ourselves more in love.


Today, we didn't make it to Battleship Rock to celebrate the anniversary of David's proposal, but we did celebrate and we did cherish the day and each other. Just a token of our day.

A Big Step...

David put his house on the market for sale. We're hoping that the market in Jemez Springs is thriving and the house he's owned since 2001, his first home, will sell. We have our eyes set on building a home of our own.

So, drop by his website to see pictures and get information on how to contact the listing agent, Susan Donovan for a showing or other information.

Feliz Ano Nuevo!

I think I'm looking forward to this year's end as much as David. We're almost through my health crisis and looking forward to our first wedding anniversary.

To say this was a bad year is really not true. We had some great moments and some really rotten  moments but we've been strong, our love has grown and we are ready for the New Year.

It amazes me how fast the year flew by. A year ago we were sending last-minute invitations, making the last of the wedding payments, finalizing the flowers, paying the hotel and the guys were getting their tuxes ordered. Christmas last year flew by and we didn't really have time to think about the loved ones we were missing. This year, I think David had a harder time without his mom. In 2009, we were celebrating our first Christmas together and her death was still so fresh and raw, that I think it was something he tried to not think about for a while. This Christmas we were still raw and living through my breast cancer diagnosis. In fact, Christmas and New Years has falling right in the middle of the radiation treatment and the loss of his mother really hit him this year. I've watched him maintain strength and courage for me, but I've also seen him worry and feel sad as well.

I think we both felt a sense of relief when we knew that I was going to be ok-- but there were moments when we both were scared and sad. There are still moments where the fears creep in and make me lose it emotionally, but as I'm almost through the hard stuff, I feel better. I know that the prognosis is good but it will always be part of me. And while it is not defining me, it will define the way I live the rest of my life and the steps I take to keep it from coming back.

2012 will bring change and might just bring some nice surprises for us. Hopefully, we'll get our houses sold and be on the way to building our dream home. We both hope to be healthier, stronger and fitter by year's end. I hope we'll have good news on the baby front as well. I just know that I appreciate all that I have so much more, that life is sweet and precious.

I'm blessed.

Liturgy of the Word

I've been meaning to post the readings from our wedding. Today seems like a good day as any. 8 months ago these were read on the day David and I wed. 

We did our best to pick readings that reflected who we are and how we felt about each other. 

From the Old Testament. 

Allow us to live together to a happy old age.

A reading from the Book of Tobit 8:4b-8

On their wedding night Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife,
“Sister, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord
to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance.”
Sarah got up, and they started to pray
and beg that deliverance might be theirs.
They began with these words:
“Blessed are you, O God of our fathers;
praised be your name forever and ever.
Let the heavens and all your creation
praise you forever.
You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve
to be his help and support;
and from these two the human race descended.
You said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone;
let us make him a partner like himself.’
Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine
not because of lust,
but for a noble purpose.
Call down your mercy on me and on her,
and allow us to live together to a happy old age.”
They said together, “Amen, amen.”
The word of the Lord. 

From the New Testament:

And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection.

A reading from the Letter of Saint Paul to the Colossians 3:12-17

Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts,
the peace into which you were also called in one Body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another,
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him.
The word of the Lord.

The Responsorial Psalm

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

I will bless the Lord at all times;

his praise shall be ever in my mouth.

Let my soul glory in the Lord;

the lowly will hear me and be glad.

 Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Glorify the Lord with me,

let us together extol his name.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears.

 Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Look to him that you may be radiant with joy,

and your faces may not blush with shame.

When the poor one called out, the Lord heard,

and from all his distress he saved him.

 Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

The angel of the Lord encamps

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Taste and see how good the Lord is;

blessed the man who takes refuge in him.

Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

  2. 34:2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 8-9

The Gospel

They are no longer two, but one flesh.  

A reading from the Gospel of Mark 10: 6-9 

Jesus said:
“From the beginning of creation,
God made them male and female.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh.
So they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together,
no human being must separate.”
The Gospel of the Lord.

It's another 12th...

Two years ago today, David walked into my life. We celebrate that day today. I remember thinking, yeah, I'll see him, we'll hang out and maybe become friends. I wasn't going to let myself fall in love with him. My heart was shielded and protected, the last thing I wanted was to get hurt again. The best thing that happened to me, was that I fell in love with him.

The day was bright and golden, warm sunlight cast down and we just ended up spending the entire afternoon and most of the evening talking, catching up on our past but most important, talking about who we were at that very moment. We clicked that day and my heart that I'd protected for so many years felt safe; it felt love. It was probably just a few weeks later we professed our mutual love for each other but it was real, it is real, and it was right.

So, now here we are, eight months after our wedding day and two years after it all started. Our love has been romantic, exciting, glorious and blessed. I hope for many days like this to come. I pray we will always continue to grow and love one another. 

In the Heat With a Blue Jean Girl

David and I went out to our "second high school date" last Friday night.  (Our first one was going to the Horsemen/Demon football game last year.) Now, of course these dates came 20+ years after we were in high school and technically aren't "high school dates" but since we knew each other in high school, these are things we could have done on dates, if we'd actually gone out on a date. Sometimes, I still wonder what it would have been like if David and I had dated in high school. We talk about that from time to time, but I like our dates now. We have more money to do better and more exciting things. 

For my birthday, my beloved bought tickets to see Night Ranger, Foreigner and Journey. He totally caught me by surprise and thrilled me with the gift. Ever since I was a high school girl, I'd wanted to see Journey. It was my favorite band. I'd spend nights in my bedroom listening to "Escape" and "Frontiers" dreaming away to the music. As I grew up, my musical tastes changed, I grew more toward bands like The Cure, U2, the Goo Goo Dolls and other genres besides classic rock, but I always had a soft spot for my favorite band from high school.

For me life without music is pretty lonely. I'm not musical, you really don't want to hear me sing, especially in the shower, and I only sing at Mass, because it's Mass. Nonetheless, I can't live without music. It helps my mood, it helps me write, it centers me and can calm me down or can serve to help me release my stress, my anger or my negative emotions.

The concert was the best therapy and medicine I could have ever asked for right now. It brightened my week. I sang, I danced, I laughed and enjoyed every minute of it, with David by my side. I'm a lucky woman to have a husband who loves me so much. He's supportive and I can't imagine my life without him. We both had a great time. It was the perfect night for a show. It was cool, but not to chilly, the music was loud but not deafening. The bands sounded great. We heard all of Night Ranger's show but didn't get to our seats in time to see them on stage. Foreigner was great. I enjoyed their whole show and I loved Journey. (Maybe more on the shows later.) I really, really loved the concert. I was sad that our best man couldn't join us, but it was a blast going with David. I'm glad that we didn't miss it.


We had planned to stay with our friend, but he had to leave town to be with a sick relative.We debated on Friday if we were going to stay overnight or come back home. All the inexpensive hotels were booked-- it was also the start of Balloon Fiesta and so there wasn't a vacancy in any hotel near the airport. In the end, we got a hotel room at Hotel Parq Central . It was a lovely hotel, converted from an old hospital, which at one point had been a mental hospital. The owners are from Santa Fe, and I've known one of them for years. I had no idea he had gone onto develop this project. It is truly awesome, luxurious  hotel and worth every penny for the night we stayed there. It was the perfect getaway, at a time when we needed to get away. We checked in a couple of hours before the show and then came back to our room and slept like babies. We had a lovely breakfast the next morning and came home. I felt refreshed. We didn't make it to the 4th floor bar/restaurant, but we'll go back one of these days and enjoy lunch and look at the city of Albuquerque.

I really felt like that girl again--- the one who dreamt about going to the show,  quite possibly going out on her first date with her first boyfriend. Of course, I've grown and David is not my first boyfriend, nor was this my first date with a boyfriend, but it was a special night with my husband. I couldn't trade what I have now to go back to a time when I was young and naive and had no clue about life. And even if we could go back in time, so that David and I could date in high school, I don't think I'd want to, especially if that meant our present and future would be different. It might make for an interesting fictional story, but I'm not sure that I want to write it. I like the story David and I are writing together, now and each day forward. We have a few bumps in the road, a few challenges to face in the immediate future, but we're doing it together and we're going to be stronger in the end.

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night...

Life for the blissful newlyweds has been a bit rough but we're finding our way through this patch of darkness. On August 8th, I found out that I had a small breast tumor, which turned out to be cancerous, and needless to say, it took us both by surprise.

I'm on the mend after a lumpectomy, but it took a while to get here. We're now waiting to see what the further treatment will be. I'll have an idea tomorrow if it's just more than radiation. It's early stage, hasn't spread, it's very treatable and the tumor is out of me. Thank God. At this point now it's all about prevention of recurrence-- at least that's my understanding.

It's not what neither David nor I expected to deal with so early into our marriage, well to be honest, ever, but it's here and we have to do our best to get through it. We were hoping that we'd be seeing fertility doctors in our quest to start a family; not breast surgeons, oncologists and others to treat my early stage breast cancer.

I am going to admit right now that I'm a big baby about all this. My emotions are a wash of rage, sadness, hate, self-pity and even a bit of acceptance and peace. I'm doing my best to stay strong, hold onto my faith in myself, my faith in God and others who are entrusted to handle my medical care and treatment. I have faith in David. He's strong, but I know this isn't easy for him. David and I talk-- I hope we will always continue to talk-- but it's not easy sometimes. How can it be easy to watch the person you love struggle with something potentially life threatening and devastating?

Until we knew it hadn't spread or how bad it was, for nearly a week, I was sure I was going to die. I cried every day. Now, I believe that I'm going to be ok, but I think the fear of it coming back will always lurk somewhere deep down inside of me, no matter what treatment follows. The story of my first MRI is quite a drama. That will probably come another day with the rest of the early details of this tale of woe.

My faith in God wavers from the size of a mustard seed to something bigger. I'm shaky but I am doing my best to lean on Him, give Him my fears, anxieties and worries while I go through all this. I am not angry at God, but I do want to know why this happened to me. I wish I knew if I could have prevented it from happening and I do wish that I could return this unwanted, unwelcome gift. I cannot re-gift it or exchange it either. I hope in time I will know what it's purpose in my life is. Maybe it's a wake up call. The days are sweeter now. Life is precious and cannot be taken for granted.

Of course, there are good days, days when I'm feeling like I'm in limbo and days that everything is going so fast and I feel lost. Most days have been good, but the negative, scary thoughts manage to creep in and let in the darkness. I get sad all the time and I am grieving for so many things. I'm doing the best to hold onto my dreams because those are getting me through the worst of it.

I'm blessed to have David and my family. They've been there for me. David most of all. My parents are devastated and worried. It's really hard for me to be around my parents right now. I'm trying not to lean on them so much and I've taken out much of my frustration and anger out on them and I've put all my fears, worries and burdens onto David.

Still, anyone is a potential punching bag right now, but I'm actually doing my best to let out my anger, sadness and other emotions right now. I think it's better to let those things out than bottle them up.  Maybe that's why I'm writing out this post tonight.  Now if only my characters would talk to me, maybe I could start writing fiction again. That was always my biggest stress reliever.

This was supposed to be a post about other stuff going on in our lives, but right now, this is the biggest thing going on in our lives. And while things are a bit up in the air as far as what the next step treatment wise is, the surgery is over and now we'll see what's left tomorrow. I might have some difficult decisions to make, but I think with a lot of soul-searching, prayer and research, I'll make the right one. There might is still  hope that we can still have a child of our own and we can definitely adopt a child when all is said and done. I'm still looking to the future and going to keep fighting to kick this cancer's ass out of our lives because I've got dreams I'm living for. I just want it all to be ok so that in a few years we'll look back and this will be a distant memory.